Today was a very emotional day for me after not seeing my birth mom for eight years. I tried to prepare myself the night before by making mental notes of what I was going to do first. So I woke up knowing the event was coming, and as it got closer I was getting even more nervous. Moments passed by and it was about time to head out to the orphanage which I was raised in. We got there. Security opened the gate and I looked to the left and saw my mom. Right that second I knew it was going to be a hard task as everyone in the vehicle kept asking if I’m ok; while really I’m trying to stop tears from running down my eyes. My niece Eliana was also seeing her mom and she took a look at me and saw that I was emotionally overwhelmed.
The first question Eliana asked if my mom was there. I looked at her and took a deep breath, and told Eliana to get out of the car first. As she got out I trailed by a few steps behind, then went in and saw the saw my old nannies. Most of them didn’t remember who I was because I’ve changed into adulthood. Some of them even said that I used to be bigger and darker but now I look fit with a beard. I started giggling but all jokes aside, those nannies gave me the best life a kid could have growing up in a orphanage. Even though some of them didn’t recognize my face, and some of them weren’t there working the day shift I know they still love me and all the kids they’ve taken care of throughout the years. I remember there was one nanny I was talking to; her and I had a good connection because she was the cook. She asked “do you remember I would always tell you to be good and as long as you were being good I would keep on giving you special food and more food than the other kids?” We both busted out laughing.
Moments after that I saw my birth mother getting inside the second gate and my heart beat started racing. She came up the steps, nature took its course and I gave her a big hug; within those few seconds of holding each other it felt like nothing mattered at the moment except for what our heart was saying. We know we haven’t seen each other in a while and we both know we don’t have a mom and son connection like most family but all I know is this is a rare moment and I’m going to treasure it in my memories for the rest of my life. All the bad memories I had about my birth mom I think slowly faded away through out the years and that hug just capped the bottle and a second hug threw the bottle away. One thing that bothered me throughout the years is finding full forgiveness for my birth mother. It’s funny I came to this trip looking for something even though I didn’t know what it was; whether it was finding my inner peace by doing unselfish acts or knowing that I might get to see my birth mom and I was going to find a way to meet in the middle. I don’t know what or why all of the reasons I came on this trip for; but I know it was part of God’s plan.
Throughout the years I’ve found myself at arm's length from God and family and in my opinion this trip is giving me a sense of togetherness, meaning we all are working towards a goal and I know some of us are searching for answers, searching for inner peace, value, or some of us may of came to see what’s in the other side of the fence. Whatever our reasons are I know it’s intended for good, and it’s in God’s hand. It’s a blessing that I came on this trip, it’s a blessing that I got to help my people. It’s a blessing that I got to meet good, genuine people who enjoy each other’s company and work toward the same goal, I’m not the kinda guy to cry, and if I do- not in public but I’ve seen this throughout the whole trip, when someone cries; the whole team will support and feel their pain. That alone is a huge blessing, and it shows how God’s love can even spread through someone’s tears.
The biggest blessing out of them all is the blessing of seeing mine and Eliana’s familes well and alive. God kept our families safe, even when sometimes I wouldn’t know if my mom was safe or not, so I think that was a big blessing and a gift. Also I’m marking this date down. 10/10/18, I cried on my moms shoulder and in front of people and I didn’t feel ashamed or weak because I had a team who was right there to support and cry with me.
We’ve been doing words of the day lately and I think if I would pick one out it would have to be “blessing”, Sometimes it’s hard to see how blessed we are until we get a glance at the other side, so I want to set a reminder to myself and challenge you guys to always count your blessings because things can always be worse.
My prayer for the day is: “Dear God, I thank you for allowing me to breathe another day on the beautiful earth you have created for us. I am great full that I was able to grow up with such amazing people in my life who played a part in the man I am today. I thank you for allowing me to see my birth mom and exchange conversations with her. Thank you for blessing me with all the many blessings you have given me. Help me to wake up tomorrow and be filled with goodness and let your love over flow my cup so people can see how real your love is for us. Help us to have safe travels as we go out and do your work and spread your word. Please help the broken hearted and the lost for I too am lost, I pray this in Jesus name, amen.”